I know logically that it’s all just hormonal.  I’m locked into cyclical changes like the moon, and things always do get better.  I know, in the rational centers of my brain, that days like today are not warning signs of being bipolar, no matter what studies on heredity have been done…

I also know that 1) sometimes it helps to get the feelings out, and 2) sometimes it helps to hear someone else say the things you think… and tell you that it’s ok and it will get better.

So – to help us both today, just a few thoughts that sprang unbidden to my fingers…

Some days I want to hide… to disappear… to curl up into a tiny ball & pull the world up over my head.  I want to breathe in the silence like a drug and answer to no one.  There are times when existence swirls around me in kaleidoscopic frenzy and my soul floats above my reality… pulling at the tethers and yearning for something ‘other’.  I want to fit in my skin and slough off the casing of wrongness.  I want to stare into the eyes of the future and recognize my purpose… for my fingertips to tingle with expression and anticipation.  There are days where truth wars with dreams, and desperation pounds against the cage bars of my skull. 

Through it all, I cling to the tiny glowing grain of sand… that one fragment of consciousness that knows – There is Always Hope. 


4 thoughts on “musings…

  1. Good to get it out? That seems to help me a bit. Hugs to you! Tomorrow is another day, even if it’s shitty, it’s another try.

    • Diandra – Shutting off the thinking! Some days call for exactly that. Making bread is an excellent idea… will have to try that. I went home & cleaned – seemed to work well. Thanks for the response!

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