So this is my 100th post on this blog. Rather an accomplishment, I think. And realizing it was my 100th, I didn’t want to just throw up a random picture or recipe (though I have a couple… omg so good – just wait!), I wanted to write something to mark this occasion. Wasn’t too hard to find a topic…
Because it’s all about thresholds – stepping through, experiencing changes, and celebrating milestones. You see, I started this blog the day before I turned 38. And as I write this post, it’s less than a month until I turn 40. Change is on the horizon, my lovelies… there is something major brewing – I can feel it building. There are parts of me which are waking up, for the first time this life.
I’m not scared to turn 40. I’m not sad, or resentful, or twisted up, or any of that craziness that so many people (especially women) go through. Frankly, with every passing year there are fewer people I have to respect & say ma’am & sir to… so I’m kind of fine with that! 😀
The past two years have been quite interesting. I’ve hit a couple of rough patches, gone through some low times, and made some poor judgement calls, but I’ve also had amazing experiences, watched as my magic grew, and met some incredible people who are the most nurturing and supportive family I could have hoped for.
I’ve grown emotionally, professionally, and magically. And you know what’s the most interesting thing? I’m still not who I want to be. Not yet, anyway. Honestly, I don’t even know exactly who I want to be. But you know what? That’s ok. I don’t have to have every single facet planned out & pre-programmed. I used to think I did. I used to beat myself up because I didn’t have a crystal-clear vision of exactly who I needed to be at every-single-solitary-second. I thought I had to be perfect.
But I don’t. I can’t be.
And that’s been the single biggest lesson I’ve learned over the past two years.
It’s funny… I have a far clearer picture of me at 60 than I do for who I want to be now… Getting older doesn’t bother me – it feels as though I’ve always known what my ‘end result’ is supposed to look like, but I’ve often gotten stuck on the “Ok fine, but who do you want to be RIGHT NOW?” part.
There’s a big difference, though, as I sit and write this today. Because I’ve finally figured out who I DON’T want to be. And that’s really a significant challenge, don’t you think?
Now, I’m not going to sit here and list the things that I’m not & don’t want to be – because that’s highly self-indulgent and isn’t really relevant… because hearing what I’ve discovered for myself doesn’t in any way speak to what you might find for yourself. And that’s where the real work is – finding what’s true for you. As pagans, we already have a head start on making those kinds of self-discovery strides, don’t we? Because nobody hands us a manual for our religion and says “Ok, if you say these words & do these things, you’re all set.” No, sir! We have to find that quiet place deep inside and start to listen to what it tells us. … And have the courage to follow it!
So if we’ve been able to do that for our spirituality, it should be a simple step to do the same for ourselves, right? I think all of us have a mental image of who we want to be – even if we don’t realize it. There are things which attract us, whether it’s someone’s style, demeanor, talent, or even things as simple as their diet or what they do in their free time. We see it, we know who that person is… we feel the call of our soul pulling us to the truest version of ourselves.
But all too often we push it away, drown it out, put it in the backseat in favor of time constraints, self-doubt, and the mentality of “Oh, I’ll get to it… I’ve got time.”
Maybe we have time – maybe we don’t. Do I believe we’ll each have another shot at living, walking, breathing, and joining our souls among the living once again? Sure! But there’s no guarantee how long we have THIS go-round, and why waste it? It is amazing to me how much time I actually waste – and I’m one of the busiest people I know!
So we shouldn’t wait. We should start making it happen, no matter where we are in our lives or what all we have (or haven’t) figured out. And that’s where an analytical, details-oriented mind comes in handy. Because we can look at someone or something that sings to us, know that it’s something we’re meant to be, and logically track down how to make that happen. And then DO IT. That’s the key. No waiting. No fear. No excuses.
… And in case you’re wondering – Hell Yeah, I’m talking to myself!
I have a threshold to step through.