Tomorrow. Less than 24 hours from now I’ll be boarding a plane to Belize. It’s so surreal. Last night I was standing in the middle of my room in fleece PJs & fuzzy socks, packing shorts & sandals. It’s going to be at least a 30° change in temperature from where I take off to where I land, a mere 3 hours later.
Every so often, I just get hit with a thought and have to stop in my tracks. “Who does this? Whose life is this?!” It feels like somebody else. Like it should be some fit, tanned, outdoorsy humanitarian who bikes through the Appalachians or something. Jane Goodall or Angelina Jolie… not me. Not the home-body bookworm who gets sunburned on a cloudy day in October. Am I nuts? Ridiculous for even thinking I can be this person?
But that’s just the fear.
That’s the million little knife-voices that try to slice us to bits. To bring us down. Tell us what we can’t do. What holds us back… but I don’t have to listen. I can say “Hell yes, this is my life!” and DARE anyone or anything to say different.
There are legitimate things twisting me into knots… leaving my friends (both online & IRL), going to a strange place, leaving my fur-babies, heading off completely on my own for the first time since I went to college… These are rational, normal, and perfectly understandable. And I can accept that. I can accept the feelings as the cost of pushing boundaries, stepping outside my comfort zone. I can allow them, make them a part of my experience, and move on.
So I’m gonna pack up my shorts & bug spray, sunblock & floppy hat, sandals & hiking boots, and I’m going to forge ahead. I’m going to use the research I’ve done on my temporary home, and make a point to find out things that aren’t on any travel-guide. I’m going to experience a new culture, try new cuisine, and give as much of myself as I can.
And Yes, this is my life… Because I said so.
Even if I kinda want to throw up a little bit tonight.
PS – My camera was the first thing I packed, and I’ve got a notebook to write in, so needless to say there will be plenty to share once I return. I wish I could post along the way, but I’ll have very limited internet access – only enough to check emails for emergencies!
Love & Peace.